She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
