sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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