sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
