Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
