oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
