You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
