the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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