i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
