U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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