but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize