just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
