Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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