The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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