Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
