as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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