Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize