she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
