but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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