Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
