so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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