i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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