I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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