I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
