If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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