THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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