worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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