Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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