this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
