nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
