Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
