You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
