Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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