just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
