oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
