The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
