so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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