This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
