Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize