We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize