Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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