Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
