Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
