Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
