If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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