youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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