I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
