i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
