I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
