I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let's paint friendship bongs
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
