are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
