kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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