why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
