hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
