I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
