Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
