hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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