I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
