I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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