I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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