apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
