If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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