why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
