what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If I die, sorry about rent.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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